Frustration

I'm a fixer, by nature I have to control my life and right now I can't... I can't fix the hole I've dug, I can't clean up the mess I made or resolve the issues clouding my life. I'm trusting God but at the same time I don't quite understand what this season of life is. It's so very different than any season I've ever been in. It's so quiet that it almost aches and seems to drag. I haven't murmured or complained but to say I haven't stressed would be a lie. Yes my help comes from the lord, yes he's my strength but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't have doubts. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't have fears... God I'm in the middle of an ocean and I can't swim. I'm holding on to you for the fear that if I let go I'll surely drown completely! If I let go I'll surely come completely and totally unglued. God I'm out here, save me because it's feeling shaky. I'm feeling unsure, I'm feeling unsteady and I'm feeling lost. This isn't a "judge me" condemn me type of ordeal, this is something I'm sharing to say "me too" because I know that I'm not the only one out here! I can't be the only one out in this ocean clueless as to how I'll get to the shore and I can't be the only one shaking. God I need to trust you, I need to stay tied to your life boat. Help my unbelief and help my doubt,