Shattering The Myth

As little girls I believe we were instantly maternal, we played with dolls, toy kitchens and mimicked our mothers. We played games like house and *MASH* where we predicted who we'd marry, where we'd live and how many children we would have. We were flower girls in weddings, watched princess movies and dreamed of Prince Charming who we expected to come and sweep us off of our feet.You  were taught that to get married after 25 makes you a "late bloomer" and you instantly felt anxious when you looked up and 25 was drawing closer. I'm writing this to shatter the myth! I'm writing this for any woman who has made an idol out of marriage and relationships. 

I'm 28 years old, I don't have a boyfriend and I haven't dated for 5 years. I was tired of fruitless, pointless relationships all for the sake of saying I'm in a relationship. My theory is that if a man can't lead me or help me grow in my relationship with the lord Jesus Christ then he's wasting my time and his own. I believe that past generations and this current generation have been taught to settle for much less than what they deserve. They've been taught that some man is better than no man when in reality many are in relationships and marriages LONELY all because they didn't want to be alone. I don't believe in recreational dating, I don't believe in jumping in pointless relationship with Godless men in hopes that I can change them. I see too many of my sisters in Christ worrying, settling because they are too impatient to wait on God. Now you're unhappy with 4 kids, a man who can't even subject his own flesh to Christ let alone lead a family. What do you do when your fairytale doesn't look like a fairytale?

I use to feel like I had to have a boyfriend because if I didn't I'd look strange or like less of a woman. I soon learned that dating just to be dating was lonely. I also realized that it was unfair to men who really liked me but I played with their emotions. I have a strong disdain for church centered men who aren't Christ centered for many reasons... And in case you didn't know it is very possible to sit in a pulpit with no fruit. It's very possible to be in church every time the doors open with no type of relationship but simply religious acts. So when people think that just because someone is single and goes to church I should be interested I'm offended! I don't just go to church, I'm a Christian who intentionally seeks the face of Jesus daily. I'm a Christian who intentionally tries not to sin even though I know I'm human, I'm a Christian who's not impressed by church titles and stages but by those who genuinely seek 

Christ with their whole hearts. I get an uneasy feeling when I see sisters swayed, sold dreams of grandeur only to be left heartbroken as time passes. I was once very bitter towards all men in general and felt like any woman who married was settling. I was very independent at heart, I was very liberal in the sense that I felt like men were just put here for the sole purpose of procreating with. I met Jesus, not at church, not at an altar that I went to so many times as a "church girl" led by emotions and notions of what I believed "saved" was but on my bedroom floor after life had ripped me to shreds. 

I'm a product of divorce and my mother doesn't mind me sharing my view because she knows how I struggled. My parents divorced when I was 11 and after that I put no type of trust in men, or relationships. Those childlike thoughts of weddings, flowers and Prince Charming disappeared altogether. As a teenager and in my early 20's I pitied women who tied themselves up in men and family life because I thought it meant the end of freedom. At 23 I looked up and saw friends on their second baby, some married or in permanent relationships and began to feel a hint of jealousy which is rare because in all my issues I've never been a jealous person. Odd that at 23 was when I closed the dating doors, before Pinky Promise (you know about the ministry that has been a huge staple these past couple years) before I had accountability partners or even Christian friends I felt like I needed to be alone for awhile. I didn't know then that I'd be sitting here 5 years later still single, I'm definitely not who or where I was 5 years ago mentally, spiritually or even physically. God has brought people in my life who've helped change and cultivate my perspective! He's made me aware that single is not a curse or a stage of life to sit around longing for a spouse but a time to GROW stronger and wiser in him. Singleness is not some half baked season where you're just in limbo waiting around! It's a time to get know Christ, it's a time to develop and become who God called YOU to be. I came to shatter the myth, to kill insecurities of feeling worthless and placing your hope in a man. You want to be married? AWESOME! That's great, nothing wrong with that but what have you done to prepare? Do you seek God? Have you truly become content with where you are? Do you trust God? Can you submit to the Holy Spirit? How can you submit to a man that God made by the way but not Christ himself? Sister, you've been blessed with a unique opportunity to be alone with the father who created you on a daily basis! How dare you not take advantage of this season and time in your life to grown closer to Jesus! You're complaining, you're murmuring about wanting a husband then 2 years from now you'll be murmuring and complaining about him leaving his clothes everywhere and a baby keeping you up all night. If you're not content at this phase then what makes you think you'll be content at the next? I've seen single women complain when given advice from married women as if those women were born married! Give me the unadulterated truth, give me honesty and true advice about how marriage isn't a fairytale but a journey between two imperfect people being led by a perfect God! 

Give me the honest truth about how being a mother can be rough, that there are tears, heart break and drama when raising a little person into a teenage person who can be disrespectful and selfish at times. I have no type of admiration for women who lie and tell me marriage and motherhood is a bed of roses but for those who say yes we've had some trouble but we fought through it! I don't want your highlight reel because as a single woman I'm not giving you mine. Yes I've had lonely moments, yes I've seen friends get married, start new lives and families. Yes I've thought of settling with fruitless men with no Godly intents but they had nice jobs, cars and degrees. Yes I've often let that ignorant thought creep in that I need to take what I can get but Jesus has been too awesome for me to just settle like that.  You're single, use this time to draw near to God and he will draw near to you.- Cdj