Answering The Call

 I have often wondered what my life would've been had I obeyed God, taken up my cross earlier in life... I then snap back to reality and realize that I'm right where he wants me! 28 years old and so much wiser than I was 10 years ago. The lord had a plan for me all along, I felt it as a child, I felt it as an angry teenager and a lost young woman. Even in my running, searching and avoiding I have ALWAYS felt his presence tugging. From guilt, shame and conviction I have never been able to be comfortable in my sin, disobedience and avoidance. Jesus here I am and I'm having a Jacob moment! “This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Genesis 32:24-26 NLT 

  My PRAYER: Lord I'm not letting go! We've wrestled, spiritually I've limped with a broken hip, the healing process I've gone through to get here has been INTENSE! The call on my life is so much bigger than me. I know that you've called me to share your love, your gospel, God I'm not sure in what capacity but you've gifted me with this ability to reach people through my writing, through my singing and my past hurts help me relate. I've struggled with obedience, making decisions out of fear, desperation and the past year we've been on this "trust course." We've met on my bedroom floor, my living room and even the shower at all times of the day. God you've been so faithful and I've learned to depend on you for strength, hope and you've yet to fail me. I've found myself at a loss for words many days, tears and I trust you was all I could murmur. From baby steps to big girl steps I've grown so much and I know that you'd never let me fall. You check my ego daily, reminding me that I can't make it on my own will, my own strength and power! Moments where embarrassment and shame wanted to engulf me you constantly remind me to look at YOU and not people. So lord as I lay on this floor I place my hopes and dreams in your hands. Answering the call you have on my life, LEAD ME. -CDJ