Happy Birthday

Two years ago I created this blog because I just wanted to express myself. I was really overzealous at the time yet very disciplined in my walk, everything was fairly new to me and life was actually good! I was employed full time, had a job with great benefits etc, I was getting on my feet. I started this blog with the intention to reach others not knowing the healing power that would take place within myself. About 4 months into this I left my job to become an author along with the prospects of starting a new job which fell through. I decided well maybe I'll go back to my old job only to find that they were relocating to another city. The money I had saved began to dwindle after a couple months of paying bills and living basically, I found myself doing odd temp jobs here or there while looking for permanent work. I sold my book to everyone I knew but soon the sales stopped and I found myself sinking into a deep depression. 

I've suffered with depression since I was about 12 years old, never was clinically diagnosed just seen as emotional and dramatic. Suicidal thoughts have always plagued me and I succombed to them a couple times in my early 20's. Writing has always been my outlet, from my first Lion King journal at 7 to the many notebooks my grandmother would buy me in middle and highschool that I'd fill to capacity with my feelings.  I've considered myself to be a blogger for about ten years, I started off with MySpace and Facebook notes just jotting down poetry and heartbreak. I created a series of unsuccessful blogs from 2010 to 2014 and was convinced that nobody wanted to read about an unstable girls emotions! When I finally found myself stable the Holy Spirit led me here and so much transition has taken place in two years time. 

I moved to Indianapolis summer of 2013 just to get use to being away from my small hometown because I wanted to move out of state but needed to get some experience first. The plan was to be here for a couple years then get ghost! Moving here really changed the course of my relationship with God because before it was nonexistent. I went to church, I claimed to be saved from a religious stand point but I honestly had not experienced true relationship with God. I didn't read my bible much, I prayed when I was in trouble or had done something wrong. I went to church every Sunday faithfully but it was just a routine to me. I moved here, fell into the same routine and I found myself once again depressed because life was closing in on me... So I stopped going to church. I decided I didn't want to be a part of a religious atmosphere or to be affiliated with a denomination. I visited various churches here and there but I did not feel a connection. I finally settled at a charismatic church a couple months before starting this blog and while I love that church I still feel out of place at times. That was also the summer I finally tuned into Elevation Church, I found myself drawn to the teaching, the music and the vibe of it all. I started getting into my word, fasting and really seeking God. God met me at a PP conference that summer and restored a passion to know him more. I almost felt like I was floating, I was so at peace and I'd become so secluded in my world that I didn't know how to respond when life started to shift. Of course I've been through hardships and struggles but the past two years have strengthened my faith in ways I've tried to go into detail about. To trust God for daily things that most take for granted has been quite an experience! From random checks appearing in my mailbox to people reaching out to me and asking can they send me money. God has been sending me love notes in the form of people! There are months where I've been employed and able to catch up on bills etc but then there could be 5 to 6 months where I'm out of work and I have to rely on family to help me. I've been stripped of pride that once controlled my existence because I don't live alone so I can't just say hey I don't have it. In this season I've definetly gotten to know God for who is outside of the four walls of a church or religious affiliation. I've learned what love is and how it's not comprised of a bunch of man made rules, stipiulations or regulations. Jesus died so we could be free from religious bondage and guilt. 

The plan for this summer was to head to Charlotte and serve at Elevation church but that's been postponed until further notice... I'll get there eventually! As for now I have to just continue trusting him, thank you to those who support my vision and my dreams! Thank you for your kind words and heartfelt  concern on days where I was barely holding on. I'm going to keep going! Happy Birthday White Boots 101© stay beautiful! -CDJ❤️