Evolution Of "C"

 Today is a very special day...I was reminded (through FB memories) that 12 years ago I tried to exit this world but the Creator of heaven and earth had a different plan! I battle with anxiety, which I have shared many times with you all. I woke up very anxious this morning, been working on a client's project and struggling with formatting, going back and forth with printing press for a month on tedious, minor yet significant details etc. I am also budgeting, planning my baby sister's 30th birthday trip so just had a lot on my mind.

Choosing to breathe today and just BE! You weren't planning on being here today "Ci" and you are 33 now. You are 33, you have survived so many rough moments, heart breaks and trials. You have managed this blog going on 7 years, you have written 2 books and launched a publishing company all by yourself. You don't have a million degrees but you've managed to grab a couple and complete a LOT! You have a resume that holds weight, you could fill out an application today and go back to working in healthcare but that's not where your heart is. You are 33, life has caused you a great deal of stress and yes it's a battle trying to reverse the physical damage that has caused with hypertension, diabetes and weight fluctuation.  You are 33 but you wanted to end it at 21, you wanted to end it while laying on that pink carpet with 20 some odd pills that you had been collecting for that moment. You woke up to the embrace of what may very well have been an angel! You have lost, grieved, even escaped the mind blowing realities of cult like purity ministry, religious exuberance and overzealousness. You have battled depression, neglect and carried the weight of "daddy issues" with promises of never letting men have the upper hand in your life but you have also battled with letting others love you without ill intention.

You are self made, you are a force to be reckoned with... but you have so much further to go, my love! Oh the adventures you have had thus far, the places and people you have embraced or have been embraced by are amazing but you're just arriving. The beauty is just unfolding, baby so here is to 12 years after a semi colon that God placed HERE after you attempted to put a PERIOD. Lets LIVE


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