Life Support

Over the past few months I've found myself clinging to Matthew 6:25 daily and whenever doubt or worry creeps in I began to say: Matthew 6:25 NIV
[25] “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?" Days where my pride wouldn't even let me ask for money for a sandwich but God looked out for me anyway. Moments where I'd get a glimpse of hope only for it to be snatched and doors slammed in my face but God looked out anyway. I left my job in December for another job that fell through and at the time I was finishing up on writing my book. I said ok maybe I'll go back to my old job, they ended up closing that department in February... So I'm like ok God money is getting low here. A new job yes from home! After a week I got fired (never been fired from anything) and I fell apart. Life got very dark for me, my hope started to shatter but I refused to stop trusting God. Winter fades and here comes spring and I'm so hopeful yet broken up inside. Thank God for family that held me up financially with bills and for understanding sisters/ roommates who helped me. My pride was being crushed and by nature I'm very stubborn and prideful. If I want something done I do it! If I have to take 3 buses to get somewhere I do it! So round three I get a job clear on the other side of town and they basically lied about pay, position and about me being able to go to the conference I attend yearly... So I ask can we push back training? I've paid for half of my trip already, they tell me sure. I get to go to Atlanta yay I'm pumped, I get there and I'm excited (in spite of the broken down bus, issues with getting into hotel room even though I booked last year) and God moved but no return calls from that job. I come home still high off of Jesus and that conference but my phone doesn't ring, no new emails. End of week comes, two new positions offered and I'm hesitant about one even though it's close to my house the pay is low so I take the higher pay. It's in a township that's farrrr from me and I didn't realize how far. So far from me that no buses go that way (I don't have a car) so I take uber which was 26 dollars for one way there! I love the job, such a peaceful atmosphere, God I need this job but now I'm like lost as to how I can afford to get there and home daily. I can give my mom gas money but it's so far that it's an inconvenience. So now I'm done trying to figure it out and I'm whispering God I trust you. I made it through my first week, I love the people and the environment... I'm like God please make provision because all the rejection softened me and I can't be led by my emotions. God I'm trusting you because in the past 6 months nothing but my pride has been starved. God you have a plan for my life, you have a purpose and now that I see light I can't fathom how I would have gotten through those dark nights without you. I lay my life and my plans before you God! You withhold no good thing from me. I asked for you to "grow me up" and didn't realize  the depth of the process! I don't know what tomorrow or the next day hold but I know that you're sovereign and that we've grown so close these past 6 months. Scripture tells us: 
James 4:8 NIV
[8] "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." Oh I've drawn so near, the bottom had to be snatched out, so many tears and I've got so much further to go. Can I tell you that until God is enough for you then you'll never be content! No matter what job, person, material he brings into your life if he's not enough for you then you'll never be satisfied my sister (or brother)! He's got to be everything, you have to want him more than a relationship, more than a job or car. He is EVERYTHING and scripture tells us: Matthew 6:33 NIV
[33] "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." You don't have to seek positions, relationships and titles! You only need to seek him because he's EVERYTHING. God loves us but at times he has to snatch the bottom out... He wants ALL of us so that we can be used for his glory dear heart. Until we meet again draw close to him.-CDJ 


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