*I wrote this June 2013 before moving to Indianapolis*
Sitting in my room cleaning thinking of all the memories I've had in here... It first belonged to my great grandmother then when she moved into a nursing home, we moved in after my parents separated. It was always my room from then on... On weekends after my mom remarried, as a kid and a teenager it was my room/ my grandfathers prayer room which explains the peace it holds. At 19 I moved in, I was a broken, angry, bitter teenager looking for stability and peace. No one knew I was suicidal or battling so many issues but my grandma let me stay, something tells me she knew. I wanted to know God but wanted to do my thing too! So I did, secretly did what I wanted, made sure I came to church on Sundays to keep up appearances but somebody was praying for me. At 22 I got saved and gave my life to Christ while laying on the floor in this room. Through the emotional battles, the ups and the downs this room has been a staple. This house has been my staple. Soon I'll be packing, moving to a new city but this will always be my room. Yeah it's messy sometimes ! I'm not very organized but I'm learning. I have such a connection with it because it is the only place where I ever found stability. I am a crybaby by nature so of course tears are hitting the ipad. It will always be my safe haven.
*Wrote this October 2013*
A few months ago I stepped out on faith and moved to a new city. If you read the post I put up back in June titled The Pink Room you will remember my attachment to the room and the story behind it. I came home this weekend and last night as I laid in "the pink room" memories flooded my mind. I thought of good times, laughter, sleepovers and random craziness. I also thought of rough times, tears, depression and fear... as I thought of these things I got misty eyed. I thought of when my sisters and I made the decision to move and how we spent many nights on our faces in this room crying out to God about what was to come. I also thought of the troubled 19 year old girl who spent sleepless nights and troubled days in the dark begging God to help her. I thought of the lost 21 year old who wanted so badly to be real in her walk with Christ but kept failing. I thought of the seasons without an income and the job searching. Moments where I was afraid to ask for things I needed for fear of looking needy or helpless. With all these thoughts I started thanking God for my grandparents, how they took me in and gave me a home. I started to wonder where I would be now if I had never had those years and moments in "the pink room." I think that because I lived in my grandparents house people assumed I walked on rainbows or clouds, that I was spoiled or that life was without pain or stress. Lol there are certain perks I miss! They have nothing to do with anything material wise though. I miss trips to the store, the bank and various places with my grandfather. I miss watching tv and laughing with my grandma... I miss late night laughter, conversations and talks. Packing my bag and this evening I have to exit "the pink room" for awhile until my next visit. I have a new pink room and it is alright but it will never take the place of the one on Monogene Drive. Until we meet again be blessed and keep Jesus first <3
Today (September 10, 2016)
I'm sentimental. I hold on to people, things& places. My old room feels so empty, my connection to it will always be... I wrote a blog post few years back called "The Pink Room" and I took this room early on in my life because it was my great grandmothers ❤️. There's a peace in here and a story most will find twisted and beautiful. It's where I attempted to take my life at 22 by overdosing... It's where God saved me and woke me up. It'll always be my pink room, I always try to spend a few moments in here before I leave... I never know when I'll be back or if it'll be changed. The last couple times I've came home I haven't shared the real reason I haven't slept or spent much time in it. A part of me was battling whether to come back to my pink room for good but the other part knew that I'd become stagnant. I could come back but my purpose would just be waiting elsewhere, I'm learning to follow God's plan and I can't go backwards. I've outgrown the pink room, my love for it is still there but my attachment has calmed down. Over time change has became inevitable and I've learned how to just go with it, weeks like the one I've just spent at home are necessary. I've had a rough past couple years and I usually only stay a couple days but for sanity purposes I needed to stay a little longer. I needed to regain strength, be reminded of my purpose and God's plan for my life. I'm sentimental... I hold on to people, things and I'm working on not holding on to places. It's difficult when this is the only place I've ever called home. ❤️CDJ❤️