Pain and Secrets From a Church Girls Perspective
I've read so many "Church girl " stories that really tugged at my heart. I've read about hurt, betrayal, anger etc. My story is mixed with a little of them all. There is a bright side to my story as well. Being the daughter of a Pastor is never easy, as a matter of fact it has pros and cons. For the most part I liked church because basically it was a haven for me. Church was where my family was also most of my friends. It was where I learned that Gods people were always there for you to help strengthen you, to confide in, to pray with you, to teach you and to push you towards greatness. At least that's what I thought. I soon realized that everyone isn't who or what they say they are. As a teen girl I had several friends in the church, we often visited one another's homes. There were occasions when we'd stay overnight at each other's homes on weekends. Our parents were all members of the church and were "saved" so our parents felt safe letting us visit. I recall one summer I was going to my friends home and her father which was a minister at our church offered to pick me up. When I got into the car he started a conversation with me that made me feel a little uncomfortable. He told me how good I looked last Sunday in my dress, he proceeded to tell me how it fit my body closely and he loved seeing me in it. I can't begin to tell you how I felt but I was in total shock and more than anything...hurt. This man preached many sermons from the pulpit and prayed for many people. Now that I'm older I realize he had a spirit of lust. During the trip to my friends house he said several inappropriate things to me and even pulled into a empty parking lot and attempted to touch and kiss me. I turned away and expressed my fear so he drove me to their home. I was shaken and afraid because I couldn't tell anyone. I loved my friend so much I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship. This man was so bold that every chance he got to talk to me he expressed his desire for me and told me how he loved my lips etc. I was broken inside, I had to listen to him preach occasionally and watch my dad and others support his preaching. And the whole time no one knew he was preying on a teenage girl. I remember he told me if I told anyone he'd tell his daughter I tried to kiss him. He told me we would not be friends anymore if I told.
Though he had teen daughters he had the audacity to try and defile me. It took me a long time to get over this betrayal but I did get over it. I must admit it made me less trusting of preachers and even a bit uncomfortable around them even when they gave me no reason to be. One thing I'm glad about is.... I never left God because of it, even in the hurt somehow I knew I had to hold on to God. The biggest lesson I learned from it was not to put confidence in the flesh no matter how a person presents themselves they are fallible. The only one who is infallible is God. And everyday I love Him more and appreciate Him wrapping me in His arms when no one knew my pain but Him.