Church Girl Perspctive On a Tuesday

"Church is a huge aspect of my life. I know it and everyone knows it. People who just met me would assume that I "only listen to gospel and R&B". It's good that I grew up in church, I don't think I'd be who I am and know what I want to be without it. But sometimes I want to run from it. 
I always admired people that came from a secular life into church because you could see that their faith is authentic and genuine, at least the people I know. But when you're not sure, it's hard to reach out to someone, because everyone expects you to be "fully churched up". 
Everyone puts this pressure on you to be the ideal church girl and that puts you in a box. It's hard for me to be out-going, even in church. I was once told that if slavery were still to exist, I'd be the ideal "good slave", the one that follows orders and keeps "Master" happy, by a girl in my church. I doubt she meant it in the way I took it but ever since I've been a bit drawn back. 

For years, I've been afraid of making mistakes because I don't want to ruin what people see and even though people would tell me to loosen up and live life, I feel like they're just asking me to do what I'm doing now but with a extra happy smile. 

I always felt like I've been faking this life and it hurts because I want to get to know God more and more and love Him and I know that talking helps but that 'image' that we're raised to keep up, it terrifies me. 

Don't get me wrong, I love Him and it's good to be involved in church but when it's all you know, it gets hard. So please don't let it be all you know or all you're about, especially if you feel like it'll cause drama to step back or make you be seen as the untraditional version of a follower of Christ. And don't let your internalized chains stop you from living life. 

Also don't let this make you feel like you're to 'break loose' and dive into the worldly world. You can have loads of fun being a Christian.

And I think that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn this year. Don't be so afraid of God and the church that you don't enjoy the time He gave you." 


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