The Battle

#RandomCiaraThoughts self care is so very important... not just your physical but your mental well being. This is one of those transparent posts! From September to now my life has been a series of "change" and personal growth. Lost 3 jobs, plans to move to a new state completely crumbled before my eyes, and I moved back to my hometown. The only man in this world who has never left me to fend for myself, never neglected me or broken my heart is fighting for his life and I find myself questioning God. I find myself trying to find the lesson or the silver lining in everything! People say don't put everything on social media (trust I don't, what I just told you is the tip of the iceberg) but they fail to realize that writing is my livelihood from my blog to my books. If I can't be transparent then who's going to read what I write? If I'm not open about my struggles then how can I be a light to someone else? Depression is real, I know I post funny stuff but what most don't know is that I laugh most days to keep from crying. Depression is not something you can just gloss over or call people "dramatic" because you don't understand it. To not give into depression is easier said than done and I don't need a sermon... I know scripture, I don't need  empathy or sympathy really. Prayer is great and I always need that! I'm learning that venting like this helps, admitting that I'm struggling helps and that social media has a stigma attached to it where everyone pretends to be someone else. I'm always so afraid of people perceiving me as shallow or self absorbed but I'm far from that. My fear is that I'll seem selfish when I post things like this knowing I'm not the only one in this world hurting. Learning that it's ok to not be ok, everyone won't understand but it's important to be honest and I'm not the only one struggling but it's important that I express what I feel. It's important to my mental wellbeing as well as my spiritual growth. Social media wasn't just created to share cute pictures, funny memes etc it's also a way to reach people. If you read all this thank you - CDJ❤️